Scullyfied Simpsons: “Saddlesore Galactica” (Season 11, Episode 13)

What are the odds that somebody made that face when reading the script for the first time?

“I’d like to play me latest chart-toppah. It’s called, ‘Me Fans Are Stupid Pigs.'” – Dream Bart, “The Otto Show”. Who knew he would nail a Simpsons writer just eight years later?

Airdate: February 6th, 2000.

Written By: Tim Long

Plot: Springfield Elementary’s Concert Band comes in second place at the county fair, beaten by Ogdenville Elementary, who have recovered well enough from their Lyle Lanley Monorail related debacle to perform “Stars and Stripes Forever” with glow sticks! While Lisa is ornery about the failure, more pressing issues take precedent.

You see, Bart and Homer come across a trick-performing horse that is abandoned at the fair by his deadbeat and abusive owner. Rescuing him from destruction, the two decide to race him to pay the bills. Initial failures lead to the duo trying to remarket the horse, and soon, Bart and Homer become the team to beat. This results in the ire of the other jockeys, who kidnap Homer and reveal themselves to secretly be undergrown-dwelling elves.

Yes.

The jockeys are elves.

There are Jockey Elves in The Simpsons.

Who all live in a fiberglass tree and threaten to eat people’s brains.

…

No, I was not written under the influence of a controlled substance while watching this episode.

Review:

This review has been five years in the making.

The Simpsons has been on the air as a television series for twenty-nine years this December, sending out 639 episodes as of the publication of this post. With such a vast variety of episodes, there are bound to be both high points and low points, no matter what you make of the later seasons. While most of my favorite blogs despair about the current state of the series, the truth is that there are plenty of people who still like the new seasons. Opinions, indeed, have ranged from “this show is permanently dead” to “the show has rebounded” to “the show did decline, but it’s still pretty damn good” to “AL JEAN FOR PRESIDENT!” So unlike what you would expect from The Review Nebula and Dead Homer Society, Simpsons fandom is rather diverse in opinion. And you know what? If you like contemporary Simpsons, that’s cool. I disagree with you, but… that’s cool.

That said, if one speaks broadly, one can ascertain certain trends in episodic opinion. And with that in mind, I think I can safely say that no episode of The Simpsons is loathed more viscerally than “Saddlesore Galactica”.

Yes, “Kidney Trouble” is widely disliked for transforming Homer into an odious figure, but fans have provided arguments trying to excuse his cowardice (even though I personally disagree with said arguments). “Homer Vs. Dignity” gained a lot of hate for the infamous “Panda Scene”, but there’s still debate over what occurred there, as well. “No Good Read Goes Unpunished” does have a lot of people that agree with its message. And while “Lisa Goes Gaga” is universally despised, there is no denying by that point, most of the show’s fans had thrown their hands up and either accepted that an episode like that was bound to happen or quit the show in despair long before it aired.

“Saddlesore Galactica” is often cited as a certain threshold for the series. Many fans often poll it as the show’s event horizon – the moment when they realized that the show’s decline was irreversible. At the very least, it is almost universally described as the show’s most outlandish episode.

So… why do I agree with them? And to what extent?

Because I do agree – “Saddlesore Galactica” is unquestionably the peak of the Scully era’s detachment from reality. Much as I despised the Mole People from “Hello Gutter, Hello Father”, at least that was a quick one-off joke, one that I wouldn’t have minded if it wasn’t in a scene where Homer threw himself off of a building in despair. “Saddlesore Galactica”‘s insanity goes front and center.

But I’ll get to that in a moment.

From act one, the episode pretty much sets itself up to be damned. I mean, this episode even lampshades it (in one of the most obnoxious ways possible), but two words come to mind – “Lisa’s Pony”. In that episode, Homer feels a massive level of guilt over not fulfilling fatherly obligations to Lisa with regard to her recital, leading to her embarrassing herself on stage. To try and make it up to her, Homer adopts a pony. To keep up with the enclosed expenses, he winds up taking a night shift at the Kwik-E-Mart, destroying his health (further) in the process. The soul of that episode was focused on the Homer/Lisa dynamic, and how the former is more-or-less a well-meaning, albeit childish and somewhat selfish, fool trying his damnedest for his kids. All while shining a light on the disconnect between the intellectual Lisa and Homer, the simple-minded oaf, and how she can be somewhat oblivious. In effect, it was “Make Room For Lisa”, done much much much more effectively.

So, what, this time, they could focus on Homer and Bart’s dynamic, right? Well… no, not really. The Mike Scully era has transformed the two’s relationship into that of equals, not unlike Homer and the rest of the barflies. Granted, one could argue that Homer is less willing to give his all for Lisa compared to Bart when it comes to the horse, given how he tries to turn it into a money-making machine, but I think that was unintentional on the writer’s part, just another display of him getting a new job and becoming a jackass all the way.

Now, I think I can buy Bart wanting to turn Duncan into a racehorse, maybe showcase the similarities between Bart’s care of Duncan and Lisa’s care of Princess. Indeed, we do see that the two deeply care for their equines. However, while Lisa loved the fantasy of having her horse, thus making her sacrifice all the more gutting, Bart appears to start out from a point of relative realism, and interject the idealism with his application of makeup to turn him into Furious D. Do I think this was implemented as well as it could have been? No – Furious D is ultimately Homer’s idea, it appears.

Which means Homer is central to the plot. Again.

I know the overuse of Homer is turning into a repetitive point, but I’m going to tackle the use of Homer from a different perspective. The first two seasons of The Simpsons have a reputation for being overly Bart-centric, something that really isn’t true when one analyzes the episodes. Sure, the most famous episodes revolved around our favorite rebel (“Bart the General”, “Krusty Gets Busted”, “Bart Gets an F”, and “Three Men and a Comic Book”), and he was the show’s original marketing vehicle. However, the show’s early seasons were more of an ensemble comedy, revolving around the Simpson clan as a whole. While Homer did get some more focus during Seasons 3-8, it was just enough to secure him as the show’s de facto protagonist – episodes revolving around the ensemble still existed, and there was still variety within.

The Mike Scully era is committing the cardinal sin that the show was falsely accused of early on, except with Homer instead of Bart. The thing is, Bart at the time was a surprisingly sympathetic and/or relatable character – a child that the younger audience could see as an antihero. For his moral failings, he still was presented as just a kid, secretly scared of exam failure, wanting to stand up to the town bully, arguing with his friends over a comic book, and doubting the possible disgrace over his idol. He was a relatable character to the children who happened to watch the show, and an example of how during the golden years, even the more “out there” episodes were grounded in reality… but I’ll get to that in a bit.

Scully-era Homer is like the yang to the yin. Most people in the audience can’t relate to Homer the Personal Assistant to Basinger and Baldwin, or Mel Gibson’s script editor, or the life coach to a formerly twisted billionaire, or the man who wrestled Akihito and only got a night in jail. Even more damning is that Homer is acting in increasingly insane, moronic, narcissistic, and even borderline psychopathic ways. At some points, he’d fit right in with the It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia protagonists, except they often wind up with their just deserts at the end of their antics. Even in episodes where they do get away with but a slap on the wrist, the show all but frames it as an example of black comedy, and that lives were still ruined thanks to the Gang.

As far as the Scully era is concerned… well, he did get kicked out of the car by Mel Gibson, sued by Basinger and Baldwin, kicked out of Vegas, and had his kidney karmically harvested. But even then, not once does the support from his family and friends permanently waver. Even if you use the excuse of The Simpsons being episodic, it’s hard to sympathize with him, and hard to laugh at him when you realize that he’ll likely dodge punishment, or at the very least, some form of character development. In fact, he’s become increasingly one-dimensional during the era.

So, we got that out of the way, let’s just move on. Even with the embrace of a new attitude for Duncan, it doesn’t work for me. Not only is it too over the top (Duncan is practically a cartoon horse – figuratively, not just literally), but it’s also rushed through in another montage of Duncan becoming virtually invincible, threatening the other jockeys and judges. In fact, I would even say that this display of Duncan is particularly cartoonish.

That is to say, I should say that. And I do.

But, I think I’ve stalled just enough on a certain part of the analysis. We have arrived at hour zero – when many fans consider The Simpsons to have completely broken the reality of its universe.

Having won many races in a row, Homer is lured into the Jockey Lounge for a beer. In the lounge, he is pulled into a secret tunnel and slides down to a mysterious forest-like environment. In seconds, he finds himself surrounded by this episode’s chief antagonists. I’ll let one of them take the reins…

“Welcome to the Secret Land of the Jockeys!”

Well… this is certainly idiosyncratic.

Yes, we are here at the most infamous moment of the episode, if not of the season, if not of the whole series. The jockeys are Keebler-esque elves who live underground in fiberglass trees, and who sing (yes, sing) to Homer that Duncan’s acting out of line by winning too much, and that if he doesn’t throw the next race, his brain is food. All before kicking him out.

This is so absurd that it goes back to being entertaining at first… and then you think about it some more and you wonder how the show wasn’t canceled on the spot. (And then you think about it some more and remember that Rupert Murdoch owns the FOX Network, so…)

Let’s list all the ways this scene fails in my personal opinion, and start with the big one. The Simpsons universe apparently contains within it a secret underground society of Jockeys, who are actually elves who live by chocolate rivers, sing terrible songs at the drop of a hat, and who practice cannibalism.

Now, as I implied in my rant about Scully-era Homer and Golden-era Bart above, The Simpsons did have moments that one would consider “out there”. Homer did go into space, tubes sent people all the way to India, and robots did attack Our Favorite Family, all during the classic era. But even then, they were either a) a quick joke, or b) still relatively realistic put in context. Burns is a ruthless businessman who is willing to strand those who question his practices across the globe. The Itchy and Scratchy robots were all part of a satire on the crudeness of the Theme Park industry, the climax thereof. And Homer going into space was a riff on NASA trying to compete in the great TV race by putting an everyman in space.

Not only does the prominence of the Jockey Elves completely upend the reality within the Simpsons universe, it is at best, a riff on nothing. It feels like a plot twist that the writers came up with after they downed a few crates of a Duff-esque beer. And that’s the charitable interpretation. The more callous interpretation, I’ll get to well below. Either way, the Jockey Elves are to The Simpsons what Zeist was to the Highlander franchise.

Second off, there is no hint that the jockeys are secretly elves, no buildup at all. The episode is so poorly structured that we don’t even meet a jockey until near the end of the second act. There are no hints between that point and Homer’s slide down into Fonzie’s Shark Jump that the jockeys are elves. It is truly a twist out of left field. In effect, it reminds me of the Star Trek: Voyager episode “Threshold”, when Paris breaks the titular warp threshold, turns into a lizard, converts Janeway into a lizard person, mates with her, and abandons their offspring on a planet. But even Brain-Melting-Prime-Directive-Violating-Salamander-Sex had a better buildup than this, even if the overall plot was so idiotic that the writers may have excised it from canon with a single line a season and change later.*

Third, the song. It’s godawful. Even if you believe that it was meant to be godawful… it’s still godawful. The lyrics are many steps down from the show’s greatest hits, the musical backing is not even close to catchy, and it adds nothing to the plot that could’ve been said in dialogue.

Fourth, the episode presents the jockeys as this grand threat, this new evil. And yes, normal people don’t threaten to eat other’s brains. But let’s be real here – Furious D went above and beyond abusing the other contestants. Even discounting that, Homer generally acts like a moronic jackal throughout the entire episode (“YOU STINK… damn good!”), and his behavior regarding Duncan is no different. In short, the protagonist is an unlikable ass that we’re supposed to root for, and the antagonists don’t even have that aura of coolness to make their insane existence and threats likable.

The worst part? I could’ve brought this if it was, say, a hallucination of Homer’s while he was completely drunk on post-victory champagne. That would’ve been at the very least interesting, Homer imagining Jockey Elves threatening his life, describing it to Bart who just sees normal jockeys, and a conflict could’ve stemmed from that. The idea of victory going too deep into Homer’s head, to the point where he begins hallucinating… yeah, it wouldn’t have been the best plot, but it would’ve made more sense.

But that’s crushed in two stages. First off, there’s no indication that Homer is drunk as he enters the lounge. And if you had any remaining hopes, the episode explicitly crushes them with two lines, as Homer is kicked out of Jockey Elf Land…

Homer: Did that really happen, or was it just a wonderful dream?
Jockey Elf: (Popping out of the barn door) No dream! Lose the race, fat boy.

I think that damn well confirms it.

The kicker is that the threat is easily disabled. Duncan wins, a chase occurs (because this season likes chases more than Nemesis), and the Jockeys are sprayed with water and put in a Hefty bag. Our antagonists, everybody. They are nothing.

And that’s what this episode really is. Nothing. There is very little substance outside of the Jockey Elves and maybe some jokes about the horse racing. I could chalk this up to pure laziness (or, generously, oversight), if it wasn’t for one little factor… Comic Book Guy coming in, bringing up that the Horse plot was done before. The response?

“Does anyone care what this guy thinks?” “No!”

Now, before you call me a snowflake, I love me a good ribbing as a fan. Because let’s face it, there are sectors of fandoms that do get very vulgar. Might I remind you that I’m a fan of a show whose most radical and unhinged fans have probably driven Cartoon Network’s PR department to the bottle? Less seriously, ArsenalFanTV might be the most cathartic YouTube channel out there, and I loved the memes that have stemmed from it. (Only in your dreams will we win the Quadruple, Ty. Love your optimism, but still..)

Even in this show, “The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show” lambasted both fans and writers alike, showing the more pedantic fans alongside writers who were desperate to boost ratings. It worked as a satire on the industry, and the episode itself was quite good, to boot. It had a cohesive plot, a sympathetic protagonist, and actually felt fair in its ribbing.

Here? It’s meant to be ironic, like “Hey, look – here’s Comic Book Guy mocking this episode that we clearly did before, except now, we’ll have Jockey Elves!” It really does feel like the writers were trying to make an episode that addressed every complaint the fans had about Season 10, all by telling us the fans to go do one. Yes, other shows have made fun of their fans before (looking at you, “Rocknaldo”), but they either didn’t collapse in a way that The Simpsons did, or at least enclosed it in a good episode, or even if it was a bad episode, rebounded with a stretch of good episodes, or knew when to draw the line. “Fionna and Cake” might have been a rip at fanfic writers, but the episode enclosed was entertaining. Here, it’s an insulting element of a completely incompetent and insane episode, all in a season that all but confirms that the quality of The Simpsons was in permanent decline.

To steal a sentiment from “Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie”, we owe the writers nothing. If a show goes down the toilet, stop watching. If The Simpsons first eight seasons weren’t so brilliant, the show would’ve been canceled thanks to a stunt like this. Hell, How I Met Your Mother had a controversial finale, and the show’s fandom imploded overnight.

Ironically, the subplot of this episode is about how to keep complaining about stuff until dreams come true, even in somewhat trivial situations. All I’ll say is that if I had watched The Simpsons weekly from its debut in 1989, this episode would’ve probably been the one to get me to drop it from my weekly schedule. (That said, that lesson does remind me of Dead Homer Society. Come on, guys, the show is closer to getting canceled than ever before!)

At best, “Saddlesore Galactica” is a lazy mess, and at worst, it’s a contemptible display of unprecedented cynicism and callousness from the writers. There’s little plot, virtually no likable characters given focus, and the show’s reality is completely broken neath Earth and Hell.

To put this in perspective, I am currently covering a show about space rock aliens, amidst their ranks a half-human child, a floating water lady, and the alien equivalent of two lesbians in a trenchcoat donning a London accent. Steven Universe is miles ahead of the Mike Scully Era of The Simpsons in believable plots. That’s just sad.

This might be the episode that permanently undermined the world of Springfield. And you know the most insane part?

This might not even be the worst episode of the season.

Yes, much as Zeist was followed up with The Source, the writers might have managed to make an episode that is actually worse than Jockey Elves.

And yes, I do have a trash bag ready.

Tidbits:

• As you can guess, the B-plot of this episode includes Lisa writing to President Clinton about the band competition. It’s rather blah and forgettable. Unless you take it as a license to write FOX to complain about the episode. Yeah, it’s 18 years old, but it’s also the FOX Network.
• I should dislike the Bachmann-Turner Overdrive bit more than I do. I mean, it does feature Jerkass Homer all but forcing the Guest Star(s) of the Week to bend to his will. However, I do see where they were going there. While fans of a particular band might enjoy their latest releases and go to the concerts to hear them, at a more populist county fair, people expect the greatest hits. Hence, “Takin Care of Business” and their somewhat reluctant looks as they perform the song, all while the fans react with a mixture of enjoyment and disgust. So rather than hate that minute or so, I merely dislike it. Besides, jockey elves.
• There’s a daydream where Homer imagines himself eating Pearls. And he’s reduced to laughing on the ground. Meh. That’s followed up by Marge lighting a curtain on fire, and putting it out with an extinguisher with Linda Carter and George Forman’s endorsement… causing her to laugh similarly when she imagines their offspring. I know the writers were trying to create a “not so different” aura, but I can only think that Jerkass Homer is rubbing off on Marge. God save this show…
• I’d complain about the spacing between Flanders House and the ability for Marge to hose down our franchise killers so rapidly, but my excuse is they made a circle and went around the block, or something… anything, anything to give this episode some merit, and yet it’s all nullified by the fact that I’m talking about jockey elves.
• One excuse that some might have about the episode (and that I subscribed to for a while) was that it works as “postmodern”. Hey, to each their own. Personal opinion, this show tore into the post-modern movement in “Mom and Pop Art”. Not the last time the writers will be hypocrites.

Wrap-Up:

Zaniness Factor: 5.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 4. From the moment he appears on screen pretending to be a Vietnam Vet to get out of paying a $.50 charge, all the way to his insolence as Duncan’s trainer, Homer is a trashy protagonist here. And you made him the man to be threatened by the Jockey Elves.

Favorite Scene: Insofar as I can say that I liked a scene, I did like the lines given to Trevor Denman, the horse racing announcer. He isn’t there just to say “celebrity, yay” – he actually gets a couple of funny lines. My favorite has to be his description of Duncan’s first race…

Duncan, the horse no one expected to do anything, isn’t doing anything! […] What’s this? Duncan has exploded out of the gate and is making a big move! He’s showing more heart than any horse I’ve ever seen. What a shame – the race is already over.

Least Favorite Scene: This is like being forced to choose my least favorite moment of The Star Wars Holiday Special. At this point, I’m just going to say that once the Jockey Elves confirm that they are not a fever dream, there is no salvaging the episode. You made your bed, writers, now lie in it.

Score: 1. Even with anything positive this episode had, the mere existence of the Jockey Elves and the possible rationale behind their inclusion all but nullify said virtues.

Even with worse episodes out there, “Saddlesore Galactica” is a milestone. The writers directly told the audience to go eff themselves, and most of them still kept their jobs. Hence their arrogance that continues to this day.

And yet, I still don’t think we still haven’t bottomed out this season.

Three words – Shirt Cannon Widower.

*No joke – in “Day of Honor”, aired a year and nine months after “Threshold”, Tom Paris remarked, “I’ve never navigated a trans-warp conduit.” While said to be referring to a different form of trans-warp technology, it is ambiguous enough to make one wonder about the status of the episode. Besides that, Brannon Braga went on record – on the DVD, no less – as saying that “Threshold” was terrible, and most of the cast and crew have expressed regret at the episode in question. In short, the writers of Star Trek: Voyager, who were so unconcerned about character dynamics that a longtime Trek writer legged it from the franchise two episodes into his tenure on the show, have more humility and self-reflection than the post-classic writers of The Simpsons.