Steven Universe Review: “Dewey Wins” (Season 5, Episode 5)

“By the way, didn’t I break your heart?
Please excuse me, I never meant to break your heart.
So sorry, I never meant to break your heart…
…but you broke mine.”
– “Kayleigh”, Marillion

Airdate: November 10th, 2017

Written By: Lamar Abrams and Jeff Liu

Plot: Steven has returned from Space, but all is not going well back on Planet Earth. Connie is less than happy that Steven sacrificed himself to Homeworld, and when Steven doesn’t quite get it, she stops talking to him. Meanwhile, the people have had enough of Mayor Dewey and begin gravitating to Nanefua Pizza, who’s launched an insurgent campaign to become the mayor. Steven decides to assist Dewey in an attempt at a political comeback.

Review:

Welp, welcome to the Breakup Arc.

Steven Universe at arguably its most uncomfortable. Which, given that we’ve had forced fusion, grief-related psychological blindness, the “Deception Arc” in Season 2, the brutality of “Bismuth”… suffice to say, I could go on all day with this. Steven Universe is probably the saddest hyper-optimistic series to ever air on television. It’s a small miracle that it’s as good as it is.

Can we break hearts even more completely?

Well, how about we split three of the show’s most iconic duos across Season 5? In fact, let’s split the main character’s partnership with his best friend/girlfriend/whatever the hell these two are first, just to really knee the viewer straight in the pelvis?

And celebrate by having one of the show’s side characters tossed from his job, albeit after years of haphazard city management?

“Dewey Wins”? Hah! Almost nobody wins here. At least in the show’s canon. Could the viewers, however, get a small W in terms of episode quality? Well, according to the fans… maybe not. This episode actually has a 6.8 on IMDB, one of the lower-rated installments in the series. (For the record, the current wooden spoon holder is “Rocknaldo” with a staggeringly low 5.4. The highest ranked episodes are “Change Your Mind”, “Reunited” and “A Single Pale Rose”, all from later on this season, with a 9.7.)

Tragically, I kinda agree with the consensus. There are some decent ideas within, but this episode executes them in a way that is really awkward.

Steven Universe Review: “Rocknaldo” (Season 4, Episode 17)

“I DECLARE WAR ON WHOLE MILK!”

“It’s not the strangest house guest we’ve had.” – Pearl. I’m going to counter that despite almost flushing herself down the bowl and almost beating Pearl up with a robot, Peridot was far saner than Ronaldo. 

Airdate: February 24th, 2017

Written By: Hilary Florido and Jesse Zuke (Credited as Lauren Zuke)

Plot: Steven takes a tad bit of offense when he reads one of Ronaldo’s pamphlets concerning the Crystal Gems. Said pamphlets contain lies and libel, and Steven sets the record straight to the conspiracy theorist. Unfortunately, this backfires, as Ronaldo decides to express his remorse… by joining the Crystal Gems!

Review:

“Rocknaldo”…

…oh, “Rocknaldo”.

I don’t think any installment of Steven Universe has attracted as much vitriol from the fandom as “Rocknaldo” has. It has arguably displaced “The New Lars” as the least liked episode of the series. That outing, admittedly, has gotten some reappraisal after the start of Season 5 re-contextualized Lars’s arc. (Even my sentiment on it improved slightly over the years, albeit not quite enough to keep it out of my personal bottom tier.) “Rocknaldo”, though, hasn’t been so fortunate. It is the lowest-rated installment of the show on IMDB by a healthy margin, is probably the largest factor in Season 4 being the only season to decline in fan ratings as it progressed, and even fans tend to be sour on this episode.

But there is something, well, a bit peculiar to my eyes. In some fandoms, there are episodes whose mere mention will evoke revulsion. Speak of “Saddlesore Galactica”, “Profit and Lace”, “Threshold” or “Dimensions in Time”, and you’ll track down scores of forum posts, blogs, and videos tearing these episodes to shreds, with very few defenders to rescue them. Eventually, a broad consensus comes around to regard these episodes as warnings for future installments or fan concepts.

I don’t see that with Steven Universe in quite the same way. The most analyzed and divisive episodes tend to have as many adherents as they do detractors. The most hated episodes… well, they’re often ignored, earning mild grumblings of discomfort more than anything. And I think that’s because, at least in my opinion, Steven Universe‘s weakest episodes don’t have that enjoyability factor – the show never quite hits “so bad, it’s good”. One can find plenty to perversely laugh at regarding lizard evolution, Jockey Elves, or a Time Lord running through Albert Square*. Not so much with Lars getting spit on by society or “Onion Gang”. Steven Universe generally has a high batting average, and I would argue for my top 5 episodes of the show (all together) being among my favorite TV installments of all time. But that makes the show’s substandard outings that much more painful.

With that in mind, it is worth noting that even “Rocknaldo” has a fair few defenders, some of whom appreciate what they see as a broad and appropriate social commentary. And those defenses do have merit, not coming from an aura of contrarianism but from an analysis of the show’s themes and how reviewers see them applicable to the episode overall.

I don’t consider myself one of those defenders. “Rocknaldo” is the most irritating episode of Steven Universe I can recall.

Steven Universe Review: “Onion Gang” (Season 4, Episode 7)

“Looks like it’s curtains for Steven Universe.” – Steven. Alright, I’m going to be tearing into this outing here, so let me disclose… it ain’t that bad. It’s not good by any measure, but trust me, in the grand cosmological scale of things, I’ve seen worse.

Airdate: September 15th, 2016

Written By: Lamar Abrams and Katie Mitroff.

Plot: Onion drags Steven into the woods. Don’t worry, this isn’t the start of an Investigation Discovery documentary – instead, the kid is introducing our hero to his own little group of friends. Soup, Garbanzo, Pinto, and Squash all team up with Steven and Onion for a day out on the town… albeit one so odd that it perplexes Steven himself.

Review:

Let’s not bury the lede here today with an overly flowery and borderline pretentious intro. “Onion Gang” is probably my least favorite episode in the Steven Universe franchise.

Yup, we have a season and a half, an epilogue, and a movie to review, yet I think we’ve found the show’s floor here. There have been subpar episodes of Steven Universe before, I’m not going to deny that. But this feels different. “Onion Gang” is the first episode of the show that I would argue is well and truly bad. Not “bad by Steven Universe’s normally high standards”, I mean executed in a way that I found so haphazardly that it would be a substandard episode of any television show.

To put it simply, this feels as far removed from quintessential Steven Universe as I could possibly get. It is the show’s own antithesis, an episode that’s such a slog to get through that the odds of me ever watching it again are remote at best.

And it revolves around Onion, the child behind my first negative Steven Universe review. Thank god for “Onion Trade”, otherwise, he would have a rather dubious hat trick.

Screw it, let’s just write the review and get it over with.

Steven Universe Review: “Restaurant Wars” (Season 3, Episode 12)

“Save it for your blog – Keep Beach City Single!” – Jane, accurately describing my reaction when the Crewniverse breaks my heart in ways I don’t like.

Airdate: July 25th, 2016

Written By: Lamar Abrams and Katie Mitroff

Plot: Peedee Fryman serves Steven a plate of mozzarella sticks found in the back of the freezer. Kofi Pizza takes note, considers the sticks close enough to pizza to irritate him, and begins serving fries. Boom, there’s a full-blown Restaurant War that threatens to tear Beach City apart. Steven and the Pizza and Fryman progeny must get together and curb this restaurant war once and for all.

Review:

One of the common claims revolving around Steven Universe and the reason behind its cult-like following is that it is one of the most rewatchable shows in animation.

This isn’t because of its quality, although in my opinion, few shows (if any) are quite like Steven Universe. This claim is through the continuity-driven nature of the series. And this is not just because of the show’s more dramatic episodes, such as “Rose’s Scabbard” and “Mr. Greg”. No, this even extends to the vast majority of the show’s lighter and more comic episodes.

For the most part, even the “townie” episodes that have received a mixed reception amongst fandom not only help develop the world that Steven has lived in on a day-to-day basis, but serve to foreshadow some of Steven’s future conflicts with Homeworld and the Diamonds. And even in most of the towniest townie episodes, the characters are given some interesting development, no matter how small.

That said, the cliche goes that there is always the exception that proves the rule. Steven Universe has three episodes that I would consider pretty much meaningless. There’s “Say Uncle”, a crossover so bizarre you would swear that the Crewniverse just said “screw it” and entered a 70s Show-style circle before writing it. There’s “Onion Gang”, an episode in Season 4 that is going to be fun to tackle.

And here’s today’s subject, “Restaurant Wars”, that I can sum up as “it started, it aired for 11 minutes, and it ended.”

Oh, it might also be the stupidest and most misguided Steven Universe episode ever.

Steven Universe Review: “The New Lars” (Season 3, Episode 10)

Even Onion know that your mileage will vary on this episode… oh, god, Onion’s gone meta.

“This isn’t the Lars we know. Maybe, Lars is actually… a good guy who likes making people feel good.” – Buck Dewey. Oh, jeez…

Airdate: July 21st, 2016

Written By: Raven Molisee and Paul Villeco

Plot: Lars is acting like his typical ornery self at work, brushing off Sadie’s attempt to get him to watch some horror movies with her. Steven happens to be at the Big Donut and tries to get Lars to admit that he loves her. When that fails, he is so unnerved when trying to get to sleep… that he hijacks his body, and lives his life for a few hours. Cringe ensues.

Review:

Hey, remember one of the most iconic lines of Steven Universe‘s first season? “If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs!” Just a good reminder. It reminds us that we as humans are multifaceted and that not all aspects of us can be representatives of idealistic behavior, and that we aren’t all uniform figures. Further, it highlights that the experiences we face can’t all be good, that we can easily compare them, and that when they are bad, we can at least take stock of the good things in life.

The quote can naturally be applied to television episodes. I can not think of any show of substantial length – more than two seasons, I’d figure – that has had every episode go down with universal acclaim. Breaking Bad is almost universally cited as one of the best shows of all time, yet poll fans of the show and they are quite conflicted on “two-hander” episode “Fly”. Red Dwarf has a fanbase a mile wide, yet everything after Series V is contested – even I have little love for Series VII and VIII, although age has mellowed out my temperament towards the former and, to a lesser extent, the latter somewhat.

And guess what? Steven Universe, the queen regent of reminding us that pobody’s nerfect, is not immune to this. Hence, “The New Lars”, one of the most controversial episodes of the entire series. There is a substantial section of fans that despised this episode when it first debuted or when they first saw it, ranking it near the very bottom. Time has improved it somewhat as the character development caused people to look at this episode for some attempt at foresight.

But, now that we’re almost three years out, how does this episode rank? Is it an underrated episode buried by initial hatred? Does it deserve to have its master copy traded to somebody who might have the remaining missing Doctor Who episodes? Or is it just forgettable, flushed into the ether?

Steven Universe Review: “Sadie’s Song” (Season 2, Episode 16)

Me too, Sadie. Me too.

“Ever since my act two years ago, there’s been a rule that you gotta wear clothes.” – Steven. The good news is that that is a very good rule in most situations. The bad news is that the episode only once eclipses the brilliance of that line.

Airdate: September 17th, 2015

Written By: Raven Molisee and Paul Villeco

Plot: While trying to promote the annual Beachapalooza, Steven overhears Sadie belt out one of the highest charting pop songs on the radio, “Haven’t You Noticed I’m A Star”. Impressed with her ability to sing, Steven encourages her to sing for the event. Unfortunately, her overenthusiastic mother, Barbara (Kate Flannery) gets wind that her daughter is going to sing pop records. It all goes downhill from there, leading Sadie ona  path to a breakdown before her pop career even starts.

Review:

Well, all good things must come to an end, and so must Season 2’s run of “very good-to-exemplary” episodes stretching back to “Keeping It Together”. And it ends in the most unusual way – a sequel to the previous episode, written by the same damn people as the previous episode, dealing with many of the same themes as the previous episode.

Yet, while “Nightmare Hospital” could’ve challenged for one of the best episodes of the entire season, “Sadie’s Song”… doesn’t.

Jay from Steven Universally absolutely tore this episode to shreds, even going so far as to call it his second least favorite episode of the entire series (dispatched only by the questionable ethics of “Island Adventure”). And honestly, the more I think about it, the more I have to say… he’s not too far off base. Thinking about this episode enough makes me wonder what the hell happened in the writer’s room. The fact of the matter is, this does not feel like a Steven Universe episode in the slightest.

Steven Universe Review: “Horror Club” (Season 1B, Episode 15)

Catch, catch the horror taxi.
I fell in love with a video nasty!
Catch, catch the horror train.
The freeze frame gonna drive you insane!
– “Nasty”, The Damned. (From The Young Ones episode “Nasty”)

Airdate: February 12th, 2015

Written By: Raven Molisee and Paul Villeco

Plot: Steven and Sadie let Lars tag along to Ronaldo’s Horror Club – much to the host’s displeasure. While watching Evil Bear II, the lighthouse starts acting up – much like a thriller. Investigations lead to Sadie getting taken hostage by the lighthouse. With Lars and Ronaldo having a rather frosty relationship, the conspiracy nut contemplates giving said lighthouse a snack to satisfy it – Lars, to be exact.

Review:

You are reading a review of an episode of a television show – a TV show that lures it’s fans in with cute colors, quasi-lesbian aliens, and brilliant songwriting… and attacks them with emotional resonance, psychological terror, and liberal overtones. In one episode, characters mess around at the arcade. In another, characters expose suicidal self-loathing. In another, a kid and his best friend have a very awkward dinner. What type of adventure are we damned to witness for episode 15 of Season 1B? Find out tonight in Night of The Review Nebula 2: Blogspot Takes Up Space on Your Data Plan!

Lars, Ronaldo, Sadie, and Steven are our protagonists of the evening. The first one and the third one are trapped in a rather messed-up relationship, and the second one almost killed the fourth one to fuel his own ego. This can either make for a) juicy drama or b) a trainwreck. Which one is it?

Neither, really – although it is damningly dull.

Steven Universe Review: "Fusion Cuisine" (Season 1B, Episode 6)

“All comedy is derived from fear.” – Garnet. It’s as close to a description of this episode as I can come up with.

Airdate: November 6th, 2014

Written By: Lamar Abrams and Hellen Jo

Plot: Garnet screws up royally while on the phone with Connie’s mother. Incensed, she requests to see Steven’s mom and dad for dinner. Funny thing, though – Steven’s mom is sorta dead, and all of the Crystal Gems have flaws that could screw up a potential dinner. Steven, however, has a trick up his sleeve – have the trio fuse into Alexandrite. Hilarity ensues… and by hilarity, I mean a dinner that makes the ones attended by Frank Reynolds look professional in comparison.

Review:

There’s a thin, fine line between “characters engaging in momentary idiocy” and “characters becoming around as naive as Ralph Wiggum”. Remember back when I reviewed “Keep Beach City Weird”, a few days ago? Well, no need – I just reviewed it a few days ago. One of my chief complaints about that episode was that at least two of the characters were turned quite stupid in order to aid the climax – crossing the line, or at least, toeing it.

Which brings us to “Fusion Cuisine”, the episode on tonight’s menu.

Opinions on this episode range the gamut from “ingenious comic romp” to “waste of 11 minutes, who wrote this crap” (Lamar Abrams and Hellen Jo, for those wondering). A lot of this deals in the more “awkward” comedy found in this episode – a good chunk of it, frankly, based on the characters being dumbasses or otherwise irritating.

Steven Universe Review: "Onion Trade" (Season 1A, Episode 15)

 

“You clearly don’t know who you are shooting GUYS at, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Steven – I am the danger! A guy opens his door and gets Hynes Ketchup flung in his face – you think that of me? No… I am the one who knocks!”

 

Airdate: March 15th, 2014

Synopsis: Steven loses his Ranger GUY, a part of his Guys Under Your Supervision collection. While his attempts to acquire one via the vending machine fail, he notices that Onion has it. Thing is, Onion, who is a rather… eccentric kid, is not willing to barter for Steven’s low-rung Dave Guys. Amethyst points to a matter replicator to try and multiply the Dave Guys even further. Onion instead takes the replicator. Hilarity ensues.

Review: “Onion Trade” is often cited by fans as among the weakest episodes of Steven Universe, if not the weakest episode of the show. The reasons why vary, from a lack of emotional impact, to a lack of comedy, to the character of Onion himself. Thus, I am faced with the question – is it as bad as everybody else says? Or is it a good episode, unfairly maligned by the SU fandom? Or, does it fall somewhere in the mushy, unremarkable middle – which, given some of the later episodes, will likely fall to the fringe?